Times we got played by our period
The only kind of math women suck at is the period math. Guess why? Because even though it claims to abide by the rule of the monthlies, it hardly ever does so and no matter how many dates you save to “celebrate your womanhood” and how close you keep track of the day’s hours and seconds in anticipation of your “guests”, non-adherence to a schedule seems customary to them. Always a day early or a week late.
Waking up in a pool of your own blood is not our biggest nightmare now is it? As women, we have been seeing it coming a week before for our whole lives, like a premonition that is almost always on point. Except for when it’s not and then we are doomed. There, there! Again, you are not alone in this. I feel like misery loves company should be our new period motto. Just something we can toss around during conversations with our period buddies and to women in ladies’ toilet washing off their stains, looking for pads struck by instant blood bolt.
1. False Alarm
The one time it’s ON TIME is when it hardly looks like itself, like it forgot to put on makeup or something? Yes, it’s the clotted brown blood I am referring to that only shows up for a couple of days and then goes Ka boom. Formality?!?
2. The Pastry Havoc
Excuse the analogy with the delicacy we all love and pine for 24/7 365, the association probably will ruin it for you for the better. Sorry but I will get back to my job of hoodooing cute stuff for you. Anyway, so the day you finally convince yourself to slip into your pleasant pair of satin panties, the ones you decided to go into your coffin with and could barely afford, is when your womanhood decides to throw you a party or pastry is it? Bloody hell breaks loose.
3. The Clingy Narcissist
Walk on eggshells. Schedule all your holidays and parties for the year around your period meticulously. Please it all you want; it still won’t sit out any chance you get to be on your own and accompanies you like an evil twin hovering over your head. And guess who it brings as a plus one to the planet of the misery, yep, you are right its pimple mania.
Anyway, I will not let these minor inconveniences blindside you into missing out on the celebration. Ok first off, give yourself a pat on the back. What for? You may ask. Well, the sword of Damocles is no longer hovering over your head (you may feel it plunging into your back, never mind.) But the bright side is, you are not pregnant phewww!
Author: Noor Najam